Month: April 2021

Loss has many faces, and they all leave you with variable depth of despair.

· Loss of a loved one
· Loss of your job through retrenchments
· Loss of a close relationship or friendship that can never be regained
· Loss of your business and/or home
· Loss of your functionality through illness or accident
· Loss of a partner through divorce/separation

No matter the loss, the devastation is something you need to deal with before it makes you physically ill. The covid-19 pandemic has left many families and individuals reeling from the loss of a loved one. No matter the cause of losing a loved one, the reality and the process of emotions are dire and devastating. When you hear the news of the loss of a loved one, the shock mostly hits like a full-on fist of fury in your solar plexus and momentarily catches you off guard, just before the nausea hits. Your body reacts to the shock at the core of your body before your brain slots in and acknowledges the enormity of the news.

It is at that moment when you need to start telling yourself constantly to breathe… just breathe… just breathe… as the shock is so huge that you forget to breathe. Once you can stop the enormity of the emotion and start to focus on the enormity of the loss your brain will take over and practicality sets in. There are things to do, and your mind starts to focus on them. This is a form of disassociating from the news, and you will find yourself operating on a level of denial, this is like a switch that enables you to cope momentarily. It helps you to get through the overwhelming depth of your emotions. Then the strange feeling of hurt, anger, loss, betrayal, fear, anxiety starts coming in waves and engulfs you. You stand helpless in the onslaught of emotions without knowing how to deal with it. Then having to deal with the clichés of people who would love to take away your pain, and somehow actually make it worse.

Sadly, no other person can deal with the devastation of your pain and loss, nor are they able to fathom the depth of your despair. Only you can. There is a perception in society that loss is something you deal with as quickly as possible and then move on.
Unfortunately, this comes from ignorance and their inability to help you deal with this loss. People are mostly quite unaware as to how to respond to your pain and mental agony, hence the safe “Sorry for your loss” phrase.

One cannot turn off your emotion like a tap. I think most people are familiar with the 5 stages of grief, i.e.:
· denial
· anger
· bargaining
· depression
· acceptance

However, there are two more steps that most people leave out:
· Reconstruction of your life, through emotional help and dealing with the process of regaining your life
· The quiet acceptance that the person is not going to return, and the slow process will start where you dare to hope for the future

Allow us to help you through your loss. You are not on your own. Be kind to yourself and PLEASE remember that grief has no time limit.

There are various forms of addictions and most of them cause mind-altering illnesses. They are the forerunners of “guilt and shame” in the addicted person. Addictions can cut you off from friends and family and cause isolation which in turn can lead to depression and affect your quality of life.

Various forms of addictions:

• Substance abuse: various drugs and opioids, alcohol, smoking, food, glue-sniffing, cough syrup, Methylated spirits, etc.
• Behavioural addictions: spending, hoarding, shopping, shoplifting, gambling, excess exercising, etc.
• Sex-related addictions: pornography, voyeurism, erotica, masturbation, flirting, etc. 
• Gadget addictions: internet, social media, cell phones, gaming etc. 

When the subject of addictions is broached, there is immediate silence. We live in stressful and uncertain times and most people are in emotional turmoil daily. Addictions occur for many reasons and the root cause varies. However, most people will go in denial about the sensitive subject and will rather ignore the problem, especially if they think they might have a problem and they have not yet discussed it with someone. To seek help when one is in turmoil seems to be the last thing to do, as we fear the stigma attached to mental health. Yet this is the exact time to address it before it becomes too large to handle. 

Most people think it is an embarrassment to have to admit that they need help in any area. However, it is the brave people that do seek help. If a substance or a habit controls your life, it is too dangerous a subject to ignore. 

What is classed as an addiction? 

If the behaviour controls you, then you have already formed the addiction and allowed it to take over your life. Your impulse tells you that you need the “fix” when your anxieties and fears take centre stage over your better judgment or reasoned decisions. If you need to first have that doughnut before facing a stressful situation, that glass of wine, tablet, or cigarette before your meeting, then you might be struggling with an addiction. 

Getting to the root of the addiction is the key to bringing a person lasting and genuine freedom. The root of most additions lies captured in childhood trauma and can be cured.

When there is a need for people to use some form of substance to either sleep or cope properly, then they should be aware that the red lights are flashing.

Please know that there is help available that can bring you freedom from the addiction and the guilt and shame that accompanies it. ♡

Hope lies in dreams, in imagination, and in the courage of those who dare to make dreams into reality – Jonas Salk.

Hope is a powerful force that can be the difference between giving up or just looking to see if there is one more avenue that you have not yet investigated. When times are difficult and we are unable to see the wood from the trees, think of HOPE as your most powerful weapon and one that will propel you forward and get you out of the sack of despair. Fear sometimes overwhelms us and tries hard to overshadow hope, however, that is the time that you need to see HOPE for what it is. Hope has the power to make you do the impossible which you never thought you were capable of. 

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. 

– Dale Carnegie

 

“What perpetuates depression and the feeling of hopelessness? 

It is that “thought process that you get stuck in which will debilitate you to a point of no return”.  It is a thought pattern and allows you to rummage around and around the same thing, hashing the same thought pattern over and repeatedly.”  Very much like a hamster on a wheel.  It gives you a reason to not have to “own your thought pattern.” 

This means that IF you never make the conscious decision to “own it” and try to change the thought pattern, you will never heal within yourself emotionally and physically and be forever trapped on the wheel. 

• However, by becoming aware of this thought process people will often and constantly fight to derail it when it is possible and less damaging to seek a different path, one that will heal you. 
• Once you recognize that this is a difficult path but not unsurpassable, it will empower you to seek the right solution instead of staying on the path of destruction. This is merely a path that is slightly rockier than the one you have been on but with the option of a solution. 

It is in fact anger from your past that you have never dealt with and it has contaminated your whole being.  It is the resentment over time that is the root cause of depression, anxiety, and sheer unwillingness to participate.  

People will often attribute this to procrastination, but this is not always the case.  When one procrastinates there is no desire to see fulfilment especially if it is a painful situation.  With the right help and dealing with the thoughts that put you on this path in the first place, you will be able to overcome these obstacles.

Life will not stop for your thoughts and procrastination.  It will not stop for your confusion or fear, it will continue regardless thereof.  In depression, it is FEAR which stops you from living a fulfilled life.  

• Fear of failure
• Fear of rejection, when in fact you are self-rejecting.
• Fear of not being accepted.
•  The above leads to anxiety attacks, that will cripple you to the extent that you feel you are no longer capable and then just give up.  Simply because it becomes easier than trying to get up.  This will in the end debilitate you.  YOUR MIND WILL KILL YOU LONG BEFORE YOUR BODY IS READY TO GIVE UP!!!
• The process, unfortunately, takes time and effort, and some do not think their life is important enough to fight for.  
  • So, they just give up and either commit suicide or lie on the bed in a vegetative state to only emerge when they absolutely must. 

The statement, I AM WILLING… immediately empowers you and propels you forward to the path of success. 

Success begins with your willingness to change your thought pattern and to participate in life and all it has to offer you. 

• IMPORTANT
  • You need only to take baby steps at a time. 
  • Sometimes we will say we are procrastinators when in fact we are merely unwilling to participate.  

Why is that?  

• This is where we need to understand the difference between being unmotivated or just not willing. i.e., disinterested.

Often it takes a worst-case scenario for us to begin making changes that support our health, relationships, career, family, and future, so…. Why wait?

• We can learn and change in a state of pain and suffering, and then we can evolve to a state of joy and inspiration. 
• All you need is to acknowledge the fact that you are able and WILLING, then start moving in the right direction.  ULTIMATELY YOUR CHOICE.